that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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