i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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