you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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