According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
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