U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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