He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
