dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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