all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
We need to get me chipped asap
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
