Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
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