you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
