I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
It's no shave November. This is our time.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
