Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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