If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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