remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
