last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
