There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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