next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
