Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
