Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
