I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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