I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
