last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Boobs are out for the taking
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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