So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
