I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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