I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
