no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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