im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
