after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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