As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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