hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Randomize
