READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
