I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
