I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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