your parents love me but you hate me
Can Purell be used as lube?
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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