He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Randomize
