I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
