he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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