whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
