I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
