I can tuck mytits in my pants
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize