tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
