WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Randomize
