i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
