I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
My ATM looks so different sober.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize
