Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
