There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
whose ass print is on the piano?
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
