WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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