I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize