My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
