I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
