8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
