Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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