I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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