do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
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