so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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