When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
