I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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