Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
