this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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