Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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