I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
