Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
