Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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