NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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