hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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