oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
