Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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