What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize
