I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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