Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Randomize
