I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Randomize