So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
