I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
