she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
