I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
