You don't have asthma, your pregnant
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
