i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
