he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
