Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
