I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
