She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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