If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
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