I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
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