i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
