just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
there was a trapeze. enough said
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
