Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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